It's the Little Things

It’s amazing what you might miss if you let yourself get too wrapped up in unimportant details. A few things that one might think are little, but are actually quite big have happened the past couple of days in our world. We’re glad that we didn’t miss them.

First, Max let us cuddle and rock him before he went to sleep. He’s actually been much cuddlier than we expected right from the start, but this was somehow different. Although he was quite tired, he seemed to be having trouble settling himself down, so Tammy bundled him up in a soft fleece blanket and rocked with him while she held him snugly. We expected him to fight her on this but he only fussed for a second or two and then completely relaxed and started to fall asleep. Before he completely nodded off, we tucked him into his crib where he gave us one last long gaze and a big sigh before he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

The next little big thing was that Max fed both of us some food. Not that he’s been starved in any way, but once something to eat is in his hands, he isn’t too keen on giving it up (that is, unless he’s decided to launch it into orbit). Well today at lunch, out of the blue he picked up a piece of his pancake and shoved it into Rod’s mouth! Then at supper, he kept feeding Tammy pieces of macaroni. Mind you, he didn’t want to eat it himself, so we think he was trying to say, “Well, if you like it so much, you eat it!” But still, we think that for a kid who would pitch a complete fit if we tried to take a bite of his cookie or even pretended to, giving us some of his food is a big deal.

Third, our little guy plays pretend. At first we weren’t sure what he was doing but the first time we noticed it, he was pretending to pick stuff up and put it in and take it out of the basket of the stroller. Later on, he was playing with a toy telephone that we brought. He hasn’t really cared to play with it for the last month, but he has really taken to it the last couple of days. It’s hard not to bust a gut when he picks it up, puts it to his ear and says, “Da” which is exactly how people typically answer the phone here. So, that was cute enough, but then after an unfortunate crash which he seems to have blamed on the phone, he has switched to using an empty water bottle for his telephone!

The other day we found ourselves yet again going back through all of the photos we’ve taken since we arrived. We never cease to be amazed by how much Max has changed since we first met him. From the timid little boy that we first met to the sing at the top of your lungs go getter that we spend our days with now.

Day 1

Today

So, although sometimes we have been given the advice to forget the past and just keep looking ahead, we’re really glad that we took the time to look back. It’s hard to know just how far you’ve gotten when you don’t look back to find out just how far you’ve come.

Your Questions

Some of you have asked us questions along the way that we haven’t yet answered. If you’ve been waiting a long time, we apologize and hope that our answers will still be helpful.

The language…
Someone asked us how we learned Russian before we arrived. To be honest, we didn’t and we still haven't. Most days we feel we still don’t know enough to talk our way out of a wet paper bag. Learning the language was at the top of my “to do” list as soon as we decided to adopt from Kazakhstan, but for a whole variety of reasons that aren’t interesting, it didn’t happen. Here is what I did manage and what we have learned along the way…
First, we bought a “teach yourself Russian in 10 minutes a day” type of book. It’s not that the book isn’t any good, it’s just doesn’t fit how I learn a new language. However, something that I did get from the book is a fair understanding of the alphabet, at least most of the letters. How this has been helpful is that if you sound out many words, they will sound like the word in English. For example, “суп” sounded out is “soop” and lo and behold, it is soup! Now, unfortunately, not all words work like that. “сок” sounded out is “sock”, but means juice. The other thing from this book that has come in handy have been the 5w’s (who, what, when, where, why) and how. You can get a lot of information if you start with one of these question words. Now, there are probably many other wonderful pieces of information in this book, but this is as far as I got.

The other thing that has actually been more helpful than we realized is that Tammy comes from a family that has members that speak Ukrainian in various amounts (from sporadic to fluent). I myself would definitely be more on the sporadic end of the spectrum but there are some common phrases and words that come up that are fairly similar between Russian and Ukrainian, so all those years of hearing the language must have sunk in to some degree.

But all in all, I would put us at the non-speaking end of the language. We have a few basics, as I’ve written about, and when we are needing something specific that might be difficult to find, we make sure to always have a pocket translator of some type with us or we look it up at home and write it on a piece of paper to take with us. As for our pocket translator, we have the typical Russian/English phrasebook but we also purchased Russian/English dictionary/phrasebook software from LingvoSoft for our PalmPilot. Now, had we not already owned the Palm, we definitely wouldn’t have gone out and purchased one, but since we did, the software was a fairly inexpensive piece of software that has been very helpful.

A stroller…
This was one of the things we really went back and forth on before we left. We’d read many different stories about the cost and availability of strollers here in Kazakhstan and worried that it would be expensive to find one here. In the end we decided that we would take our chances and wait until we got here and met our child before deciding. Our reasons: our heavy luggage and near maximum carry ons would be enough to manage in the airports; the possible excess baggage fees (because it wouldn’t be considered permissible carry-on when there isn’t a child to fill it on the way here) would outweigh the possible higher prices; and since we hadn’t met the child it was intended for, we didn’t know exactly what we wanted or needed. In the end we are glad that we waited. There are many decent strollers in all styles and price ranges available here (in Ust anyway) and we found the prices to be comparable to home.

On the other hand, we did bring a baby carrier that we thought we would prefer because of the bonding/attachment opportunities it could give. However, due to the 30+ degree temperatures, it just isn’t going to work for us. If we were here during any other season, it would have been perfect though.

Things we’re glad we brought from home that we’d pack again…
*Our laptop – this has been possibly the most important thing we’ve packed. It has saved us from feeling isolated from our families and friends because we can use email to keep in touch, plus we brought a variety of DVD’s to watch (before Max got here anyway). We actually found that television series on DVD work better for us because an episode works out to about 45 minutes, so you don’t have to set aside a whole evening to watch a movie if you are only in the mood for a little bit of TV. If you are planning to bring a laptop, make sure you really know how to work it before you leave home! Find a WiFi spot and practice hooking up to it, find somewhere with a dial-up connection and do the same so that you have a good idea what you are doing before you leave.

*Flash drive – this has been great for selecting pictures to take to the photo shop for printing as well as sharing documents with our coordinator. We actually ended up bringing two and it’s worked out well because sometimes we didn’t get the one back from our coordinator for a couple of days. They don’t need to be ones with large memories, so a couple of cheap ones would certainly do.

*Sippy cups & extra valves – We are especially glad we brought some that are the no-drip ones intended as a transition from the bottle to a sippy cup (they have a soft latex spout on them rather than a hard plastic one). There are sippy cups available here, even the no-drip ones, but we haven’t seen the transition ones. I really debated about even buying these cups because we really didn’t expect to meet a child under 12 months of age, so I thought they might go to waste because they are intended for younger infants. However, they have been wonderful for us. With his caregivers Max was accustomed to drinking from a cup. But, the way that they drink from those cups just wouldn’t work for us, especially on an airplane when we would have a limited number of changes of clothing available. In addition, we wanted something that he would need to suck on for the plane that would help to ‘pop’ his ears. The soft spout ones were much easier to get Max on to because he was teething and liked to chew on the spout, which got some of the liquid flowing, which taught him how to suck, because he wasn’t used to doing this. At first we took the valve and opened the cut a little so he wouldn’t have to suck as hard, but once he caught on we changed valves so the cup wouldn’t drip as well as so he would have to suck harder.

*Stacking cups – they have been an absolute hit with Max as well as all the other children we’ve gotten to know and not easy to find here.

*Ziplock bags – we have come across some since we got here, but they don’t seem common yet and they aren’t cheap.

*Trail mix and granola bars – yep, even though the trail mix weighed a ton and caused us much stress trying to balance the weights of our luggage to keep them each underweight. Plus, now that they’re eaten, we have lots of room (and lots less weight) in our luggage for the return trip.

*Cloth shopping bags – we brought 4 fairly large fold up bags that will fold up and fit into our pockets when we go shopping. In many places in Ust, plastic bags must be purchased and they aren’t of the greatest quality so aren’t likely to make it in one piece anyway.

*Miscellaneous - can opener, mini-LED flashlight, duct tape (we wish we would have brought 2 rolls), mosquito netting

Things we brought that we don’t need or are glad that we didn’t bring in the first place…
*Two packs of water purification tablets. We’ve barely even used a quarter of one, and that was only because we got into Almaty too late to pick up water for the next day. Bottled water is readily available pretty much everywhere.

*A set of bedsheets - but that’s just based on our experience, we know there are others here who would definitely disagree!

*Toilet paper – easy to find and although it isn't Charmin, it does the job. It even comes in a variety of colours and scents (apparently they didn’t get the memo about being kind to your behind). We did pack one roll which on a lark I vacuumed-sealed, so I thought it ended up looking like a block of contra-band which is the only reason I didn’t pack more. (No, it didn’t cause any suspicion at security, maybe just a laugh or two) That one roll was much appreciated for the first few days until we had enough time to go shopping for the basics.

Things we wish we would have brought…
*Our travel booster seat – not that it would have made packing any easier, but it definitely would make life here a little easier at meal times. I may have even sacrificed a few of the other things we packed, such as extra shoes and the trail mix. We’ve seen many high chairs, but no booster seats. We debated purchasing a high chair to leave behind, but then would be back to square one when we got to Almaty, so we’ll continue our tag-team strategy of holding and feeding until we get home. We’ve also elected not to use our stroller as a make-shift high chair, again based solely on our experience; it may work wonderfully for others.

Disclaimer: These comments and suggestions are based only upon our experiences and do not under any circumstances constitute an official packing to do/not to do list! We take no responsibility for any grief or stress caused by trying to pack one of everything from every list you find on the Internet. (Which is what Tammy tried to do at one point before she realized that she’d have to separately finance the excess baggage fees as well as her pending divorce if she asked her husband, “Do you think we will need…” one more time. However, although he won’t admit it, quite a few of the things Tammy insisted on have been very helpful!)

Happy packing and repacking!

Building Endurance

Now we know what you must be thinking – that it takes a lot of energy to keep up with a 15 month old and that the parents in question haven’t quite built up their endurance yet. Yes, that is probably true, but that’s not even the half of it.

Max also has to build his endurance to playing. We were beginning to worry about how much he was sleeping (as crazy as that sounds when a week ago we were worried that he wouldn’t sleep enough!). For the first few days it seemed that he was asleep more than awake. Our first thoughts were that something must be wrong. Could he be getting sick? Too much heat? Not enough food? Too much food? As you can imagine, a little bit of new parent paranoia set in. But then we stepped back and took a closer look at the bigger picture. Max has pretty much the same schedule here as at the baby house, but what he is doing during his play time is much different. Here, he has more space, more interaction, more activities, etc. As it turns out, he’s playing and crawling around just so darn hard here that he’s exhausted! After a couple of hours of being on the go, he’s rubbing his eyes, yawning and absolutely ready for a nap! When we put him down, he’s fast asleep in about 15 minutes (well, when Rod puts him down, Tammy isn’t quite so lucky, or maybe too easy of a push over) and sleeps hard for a couple of hours.

As for eating, well that’s a hit or miss experience. Sometimes he hits the plate when he throws something he doesn’t like, sometimes he misses! We really feel for this little guy because no matter what we try, it just isn’t the same as the baby house food and sometimes new foods are a little trying. We know that he loves his bread, so we’re wondering if a loaf of bread is permitted in one’s carry on luggage! He’ll eat most of what we’ve tried, but the tricky part is getting him to try the first spoonful. Some meals, he’ll eat something if he sees that we’re eating it and sometimes not. We have learned that he isn’t very fond of slippery food yet (mashed bananas, tomatoes, canned peaches) or anything that hasn’t been warmed up.

Which brings us to today’s challenge. Yet again, we have no power in the kitchen (but still power in the living room, go figure). It seems that we have tripped the breaker for that half of the apartment, but despite everything we know about breakers and electricity, there is some trick to resetting these breakers that we haven’t been informed of. Our best guess is that there is another breaker box in the main hallway that we need a key for. We’ve called our coordinator for help, but lo and behold, today is a holiday and the owner of the apartment is unavailable! We’re being extra careful with the other circuit so we don’t end up completely in the dark again.

Which brings us to the current hostage situation happening here. It is actually a two-fold hostage taking. First of all, the washing machine is holding our clothes hostage again because no power means that it can’t drain, which means that the door won’t open. Secondly, we’re hoping to learn how to reset the breaker so we don’t have to rely on someone to come (or not come, as it turns out) from who knows where to flip the switch, but we have no idea if or when the guy will arrive, so we are feeling a little like we are under house arrest here.

Last night we got together with 4 other adoptive families for supper. It was really good to see them all again because although we are very happy to have Max here, we feel even more cut-off from the rest of the world. Even though the daily visits were getting somewhat monotonous, we always enjoyed seeing all of the wonderful people we have met as a result of this experience. The neat thing about last night’s gathering is that it involved parents and children from all over North America and also from every part of the adoptive process. One couple is still completing their bonding process and should be applying for a court date any day now, another couple just got their court date (finally), one family has completed their appeal but haven’t had their gotcha day yet, and then there was the two us with our little “the diamond in the rough”, as one parent commented, meaning the light at the end of the tunnel and the goal at the end of the challenge.

Max was excellent during his first outing to a restaurant. It was really hot in there, but he sat on Mom’s knee and ate pieces of ham and cheese off the pizza but no crust - it was a little squishy from the tomatoes and we didn’t want to be the instigators of an all out food fight! Here’s a picture of our supper group outside of Pizza Blues:

We’ve been using the stroller to block the door to the balcony, but our son woke up with greater determination today and insisted on getting out to the balcony, even if it meant for a few stressful moments when he got himself hung up on the stroller. Needless to say, we set about trying to baby proof that part too. If the people who usually live here ever plan to return, it will probably take them weeks to find all of their stuff!

The First 48

So, it’s been about 48 hours since you last heard from the German Trio. We have all managed to sleep, eat, play and handle diaper duty. We live in an equity family, so everybody has a job to do when it comes to diaper duty! Some of us fill them, some change them, some of us deal with the aftermath which might include rushing them out the door. Okay, too much information, we know. But many of you wonder what we are up to, and this sums it up.

We are doing our best to try to figure out Max’s life and he is doing his best trying to figure out ours. He’s been eating and sleeping fairly well and seems to be enjoying having the opportunity to have preferences for some foods as well as negotiate bed and nap times. Although we asked many questions of the caregivers about his daily routines, routines aren’t that easy to follow when you change as much in his life as we have.

Yesterday went amazingly well for our first full day as a family. Max ate everything we prepared for him and went for naps and bedtime when expected. He’s slept through both nights and had an absolute blast in the tub. Today was a little more challenging. He’s been a little fussier about food and not so easy to put down for naps. We know that it will take time to develop a routine and to get to know one another, so we are thankful that we have the opportunity to focus on being parents right now.

We are also excited to learn even more about our little guy. For example, we now know that when he is settling down to sleep that he rotates his ankles and kneads his toes into the bed (very cute). We also know that when he shakes his head “no”, he really means it and any attempt to override his decision will get launched across the room.

Max is also learning about us. For the most part he accepts that our glasses are off limits – no exceptions. The last thing we need to happen is to break a pair of glasses. We are both completely helpless without them and didn’t bring an extra pair (not that we probably would have even if we thought of it beforehand). We can just imagine the disaster it would be trying to navigate the streets here and airports with one of us needing the other as a seeing eye dog!

Now, for those of you who only come for the pictures:

Dad gave Max his first bath here at the apartment.

Max likes to sleep with his bottom in the air.

Max checking out all the features of his new stroller (or planning his method of escape).

Gotcha!

Today was better than Christmas, Easter, and birthdays all wrapped into one. Our day started pretty low key with us having the morning to tidy a few things up, duct tape a few things closed and just imagine the day ahead.

At 12:30 we headed off for the registrar’s office for Max’s new birth certificate and another paper which we think is his official change of name. After a couple of more stops for our coordinator to rush around to do paperwork on our behalf, we were off to the baby house to collect our little Max. We arrived around 2:30 and signed him out. After a quick change of clothes and fast goodbye with today’s caregivers we rushed off to the passport office. We barely had time to snap a picture of our last decent down the front steps of the baby house. After the passport office we were returned to our apartment, but this time as a family of three!

Max was very good during the car rides. We thought he might be either a little overwhelmed or very squirmy, but for the most part he simply sat on one of our laps and watched out the window at all of the things going by.

With all of the sudden changes we expected him to be quiet or unsettled back at the apartment. At first he wasn’t too happy about sitting on the carpet in the living room, so we spread out the blanket that we have been using to sit and play on at the baby house. He was okay with this and quickly dove into the toy basket which held the familiar toys from our daily visits, plus a couple of new ones that we kept here. After about 15 minutes of quiet play, he crawled back and forth from the living room to the kitchen as fast as his little legs and arms would take him for the next 30 minutes or so. The whole time he was chatting and laughing. Then he decided to check out the bedroom, mainly to empty the laundry basket and play in it for awhile.

Then we stopped for a bit to have snack, which only fuelled the little guy up again for round 2 of Max’s raceway. We stopped for supper around 6:30 and Max was so tired by this time that he could hardly keep his eyes open while he ate. So around 7:15 we got him ready for bed and set him into his crib. He fussed for only a few seconds but then started to settle himself into bed. After 45 minutes of him playing with the bars on the crib, the zippers on the suitcases that are behind the crib and smiling at us and the baby in the mirror, he finally gave in and fell asleep. We decided to stay in the room and quietly lay on the bed and floor until he fell asleep because he has never slept in a room by himself. Every few minutes he would roll over, see that we were there and then settle back down with a smile on his face. He’s been sleeping now for almost 2 hours and we’ve probably peeked in on him at least a dozen times to prove to ourselves that he really is here.

So all in all our first 7 hours of official parenting have gone pretty smooth.

We had a pretty good chuckle at our little guy’s expense yesterday. When we arrived at the end of the hallway that leads to Max’s room we could hear him howling all the way down the hall. We didn’t know what to think. Was he sad? Was he hurt? What could possibly be going on to cause such a commotion? We rounded the corner to find that he was being wrestled to the ground by a little girl in his group who wanted a little face time with the caregiver that Max was chatting with! So in the end, really only his pride was hurt, but he sure made an issue of it!

We have no idea what time Max will be up, or how many times he will wake through the night, so we’d better get ourselves to the Land of Nod as well.

Happy Canada Day!

Hope you are getting ready for a wonderful and relaxing Canada Day. We're breathing a sigh of relief today because our missing medical document finally arrived today. Now we're anxious to get our little one out of the baby house and here with us. One more day, two visits and two nights to try to make ourselves sleep. We're just so excited we can hardly contain ourselves. We don't ever recall even Christmas being this exciting as kids, waiting for Santa to arrive!

In fact, we're so excited we can hardly think, so it's really hard to try to think of things to post about. Many of the other families here are also excited for us, especially the ones that are just getting started or have just had their court date and it looks like this day is so far off. We are living proof that it can happen and it does happen.

We wish you all the same luck and well wishes that we have been so fortunate to have. Your day will come, too.

Somebody Needs Their Sleep

Max definitely didn’t get enough sleep last night. Even his caregivers were quick to warn us that he was overtired and not in the best of spirits this morning for our visit. Yes, he is a real child and we were wondering when we would finally see this side of his personality. Actually all in all it wasn’t too bad, as far as cranky toddler goes. Not that we are challenging him to show us his finest, at least not yet.

It probably didn’t help that his mother and father are a little short on sleep right now as well. As we’ve already noted, the bed and pillows here are not “sleep number” perfect for us and no matter what we do it doesn’t get any better. We’ve actually considered sleeping right on the floor because at least there wouldn’t be any springs poking us in the ribs.

We’re also in the middle of a magical missing document puzzle. Don’t panic, it’s nothing too serious, more annoying and confusing right now than anything. Without getting into too many boring details, we have one last piece of paperwork that we will need in the next couple of weeks so we will be ready to file for Max’s entry visa into Canada as soon as his passport and birth certificate arrive. The document missing is a simple statement regarding his medical information. What’s confusing about the whole thing is that this same letter for the other couple somehow just appeared and no one knows exactly how it got here, so we don’t know how to get ours. Person A says that Person B needs to request it and Person B says Person A should be getting it, and Rod and I are neither A nor B. We’d thought we could maybe make the formal request, since it is a letter for us, but it seemed that no one really knew exactly where these sorts of letters come from!?! It’s hard to make contacts when you feel like your sitting on the outside of the circle and the people in the circle just keep pointing back and forth to each other and throwing up their hands.

As it turns out, there seems to be a really good explanation for all of this confusion. Normally, this letter is automatically forwarded from the doctor reviewing the results of the exam and no request for it needs to be made, which explains why no one knows who to request it from. However, we still don’t know what exactly happened or didn’t happen, but we look to be on the upside of the challenge, so hopefully we have a better chance of getting some sleep tonight. If after reading this your head is spinning and you don’t understand a word we just said, join the club!

We’ve been treated to a couple days of intermittent rains and some wind storms. Being a city set in the foothills of the mountains, weather changes rather quickly and unpredictably. Twice now we have all had to do the mad dash for the baby house with our children and leaving our spouses to pick up the toys and blankets because a sudden dust storm has blown in. Rains happen quickly and for a short time, broken up by bursts of sun before the next rain cloud peeks over the mountains to douse us again. Kind of reminds us of home where, if you don’t like the weather, you just have to wait 10 minutes for it to change!

We are again at the point where we are experiencing both joys and sorrows. As we get nearer to our “gotcha day” we can hardly contain our smiles, but at the same time, we have to say goodbye to even more people whom have touched our lives in so many ways. First are the caregivers from Max’s room. There are approximately 12 of them who rotate through the schedule, so sometimes we only see them once a week. This means that there are some we won’t see again before Thursday, so we have already had to have our goodbyes. Second is Superdriver, Boolat. He has been such an incredible and kind man. He has tolerated our ignorance, helped us search for pretty much everything we have wanted or needed (including, but not limited to: silk trees, plastic cloth, cinnamon, internet cards, bank machines, diapers, etc.) and patiently listened to Rod (Go Riders!) and Dale (Go Bombers!) discuss CFL football, all with a smile and a “No problem, it’s good.” We know that we have been very fortunate to have his company and we know the next family he works with will be blessed to work with him. We know we have.

To each of these people, we know we can never thank you enough. We hope we have somehow found a place in your heart as you have in ours.