Week One

It’s hard to believe that Max has been with us for only a week. All in all things are going very well and Max has made great strides breaking his new parents in. Max continues to sleep well and is generally rather easy to put to bed. He continues to play hard and is doing very well stacking his cups by himself. He loves to play catch with his Dad and loves even more to be chased around the apartment. Unfortunately though, he doesn’t like to wear socks and the harsh carpets are doing a number on his soft skin. We’re trying to keep either socks or footie pyjamas on him, but we’re in another heat wave, so we’re trying to figure out the lesser of two evils.

He seems to be cutting more teeth, we think molars this time, so from time to time he’s a little cranky, but snaps out if it rather quickly. We’ve tried the baby orajel, but when he’s fussy, the last thing he wants is someone sticking anything in his mouth and in the end we all end up more upset than soothed. (Another catch 22) Meal times are probably our trickiest time of day. Max can be a good eater but can also be hesitant to take the first bite and sometimes won’t even eat the things he devoured the day before. However, he is certain to eat bread and anything that resembles bread, so we keep a lot of that in stock. We know food fussiness can be typical toddler fare especially with all the changes he is experiencing, and keep telling ourselves that at least he is eating something every day and he definitely won’t starve. It will take time for us to introduce new foods and will probably take even longer for him to try them. So far, we know it’s yes to bread, pancakes, oatmeal and French toast, no to spaghetti, macaroni and perogies, and maybe to applesauce, yogurt and rice.

We have tried to get out at least once a day for a walk. Max enjoys his stroller and is excited to see when we pull it out. He can hardly wait for us to put his shoes on before he’s trying to climb in. This is good, because it is a real lifesaver when you have to walk everywhere. He’s happy to ride around for about 30-45 minutes so long as we keep moving. We’ve also tried the baby carrier on the cooler days and it works for short bits, so it should come in handy when we’re getting on and off the plane, but he probably won’t tolerate it for much more than that.

Here are some of the new sights we’ve seen during our daily walks over the past few days:

An absolutely amazing Catholic church. The roof is real gold.

A couple of the apartment buildings along the river that are undergoing renovations. The purple one appears to be just started and the other has had most completed so that it looks like a new building until you look more closely.

This barn shaped building caught our attention because it is so different from the typical concrete rectangles that you typically see. It appears to be an automobile garage, with service bays on the bottom, but we’re not sure what the upper level is used for.

Along the Ulba River enjoying the cool breeze, but not the glaring sun.

As we wind our way along the streets of Ust we see much evidence of a much better time in its history. There are many well built playgrounds scattered throughout the city, but time has not been kind and many are quite run down. The same goes for the buildings. New buildings are plunked amongst the old and condemned. However, there is much evidence of the city and economy rebuilding. There is much work being done in public spaces and many buildings being given a face lift. Roses are planted everywhere and seem to grow very well here.

We are always impressed by the resourcefulness of the people of Kazakhstan. Little is wasted. When a building is being demolished, bricks are painstakingly conserved for another use. Brooms used for sidewalks are made from bunches of twigs bound together with twine. Grass is cut with a scythe rather than a mower. Rather than buying a new cloth end for a mop, an attachment is used that allows one to make a mop out of rags. As always, there are many lessons to be learned.
The mix of old and new also strikes us on a daily basis. As you walk down the street you see many cell phones, fancy cars, SUVs, high heels, designer clothes, but then you see a car, bus, ambulance or an old motorbike with a sidecar that looks like it just drove out of an episode of M*A*S*H*. Although we’ve been here for 7 weeks, it still catches us by surprise.

It's the Little Things

It’s amazing what you might miss if you let yourself get too wrapped up in unimportant details. A few things that one might think are little, but are actually quite big have happened the past couple of days in our world. We’re glad that we didn’t miss them.

First, Max let us cuddle and rock him before he went to sleep. He’s actually been much cuddlier than we expected right from the start, but this was somehow different. Although he was quite tired, he seemed to be having trouble settling himself down, so Tammy bundled him up in a soft fleece blanket and rocked with him while she held him snugly. We expected him to fight her on this but he only fussed for a second or two and then completely relaxed and started to fall asleep. Before he completely nodded off, we tucked him into his crib where he gave us one last long gaze and a big sigh before he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

The next little big thing was that Max fed both of us some food. Not that he’s been starved in any way, but once something to eat is in his hands, he isn’t too keen on giving it up (that is, unless he’s decided to launch it into orbit). Well today at lunch, out of the blue he picked up a piece of his pancake and shoved it into Rod’s mouth! Then at supper, he kept feeding Tammy pieces of macaroni. Mind you, he didn’t want to eat it himself, so we think he was trying to say, “Well, if you like it so much, you eat it!” But still, we think that for a kid who would pitch a complete fit if we tried to take a bite of his cookie or even pretended to, giving us some of his food is a big deal.

Third, our little guy plays pretend. At first we weren’t sure what he was doing but the first time we noticed it, he was pretending to pick stuff up and put it in and take it out of the basket of the stroller. Later on, he was playing with a toy telephone that we brought. He hasn’t really cared to play with it for the last month, but he has really taken to it the last couple of days. It’s hard not to bust a gut when he picks it up, puts it to his ear and says, “Da” which is exactly how people typically answer the phone here. So, that was cute enough, but then after an unfortunate crash which he seems to have blamed on the phone, he has switched to using an empty water bottle for his telephone!

The other day we found ourselves yet again going back through all of the photos we’ve taken since we arrived. We never cease to be amazed by how much Max has changed since we first met him. From the timid little boy that we first met to the sing at the top of your lungs go getter that we spend our days with now.

Day 1

Today

So, although sometimes we have been given the advice to forget the past and just keep looking ahead, we’re really glad that we took the time to look back. It’s hard to know just how far you’ve gotten when you don’t look back to find out just how far you’ve come.

Your Questions

Some of you have asked us questions along the way that we haven’t yet answered. If you’ve been waiting a long time, we apologize and hope that our answers will still be helpful.

The language…
Someone asked us how we learned Russian before we arrived. To be honest, we didn’t and we still haven't. Most days we feel we still don’t know enough to talk our way out of a wet paper bag. Learning the language was at the top of my “to do” list as soon as we decided to adopt from Kazakhstan, but for a whole variety of reasons that aren’t interesting, it didn’t happen. Here is what I did manage and what we have learned along the way…
First, we bought a “teach yourself Russian in 10 minutes a day” type of book. It’s not that the book isn’t any good, it’s just doesn’t fit how I learn a new language. However, something that I did get from the book is a fair understanding of the alphabet, at least most of the letters. How this has been helpful is that if you sound out many words, they will sound like the word in English. For example, “суп” sounded out is “soop” and lo and behold, it is soup! Now, unfortunately, not all words work like that. “сок” sounded out is “sock”, but means juice. The other thing from this book that has come in handy have been the 5w’s (who, what, when, where, why) and how. You can get a lot of information if you start with one of these question words. Now, there are probably many other wonderful pieces of information in this book, but this is as far as I got.

The other thing that has actually been more helpful than we realized is that Tammy comes from a family that has members that speak Ukrainian in various amounts (from sporadic to fluent). I myself would definitely be more on the sporadic end of the spectrum but there are some common phrases and words that come up that are fairly similar between Russian and Ukrainian, so all those years of hearing the language must have sunk in to some degree.

But all in all, I would put us at the non-speaking end of the language. We have a few basics, as I’ve written about, and when we are needing something specific that might be difficult to find, we make sure to always have a pocket translator of some type with us or we look it up at home and write it on a piece of paper to take with us. As for our pocket translator, we have the typical Russian/English phrasebook but we also purchased Russian/English dictionary/phrasebook software from LingvoSoft for our PalmPilot. Now, had we not already owned the Palm, we definitely wouldn’t have gone out and purchased one, but since we did, the software was a fairly inexpensive piece of software that has been very helpful.

A stroller…
This was one of the things we really went back and forth on before we left. We’d read many different stories about the cost and availability of strollers here in Kazakhstan and worried that it would be expensive to find one here. In the end we decided that we would take our chances and wait until we got here and met our child before deciding. Our reasons: our heavy luggage and near maximum carry ons would be enough to manage in the airports; the possible excess baggage fees (because it wouldn’t be considered permissible carry-on when there isn’t a child to fill it on the way here) would outweigh the possible higher prices; and since we hadn’t met the child it was intended for, we didn’t know exactly what we wanted or needed. In the end we are glad that we waited. There are many decent strollers in all styles and price ranges available here (in Ust anyway) and we found the prices to be comparable to home.

On the other hand, we did bring a baby carrier that we thought we would prefer because of the bonding/attachment opportunities it could give. However, due to the 30+ degree temperatures, it just isn’t going to work for us. If we were here during any other season, it would have been perfect though.

Things we’re glad we brought from home that we’d pack again…
*Our laptop – this has been possibly the most important thing we’ve packed. It has saved us from feeling isolated from our families and friends because we can use email to keep in touch, plus we brought a variety of DVD’s to watch (before Max got here anyway). We actually found that television series on DVD work better for us because an episode works out to about 45 minutes, so you don’t have to set aside a whole evening to watch a movie if you are only in the mood for a little bit of TV. If you are planning to bring a laptop, make sure you really know how to work it before you leave home! Find a WiFi spot and practice hooking up to it, find somewhere with a dial-up connection and do the same so that you have a good idea what you are doing before you leave.

*Flash drive – this has been great for selecting pictures to take to the photo shop for printing as well as sharing documents with our coordinator. We actually ended up bringing two and it’s worked out well because sometimes we didn’t get the one back from our coordinator for a couple of days. They don’t need to be ones with large memories, so a couple of cheap ones would certainly do.

*Sippy cups & extra valves – We are especially glad we brought some that are the no-drip ones intended as a transition from the bottle to a sippy cup (they have a soft latex spout on them rather than a hard plastic one). There are sippy cups available here, even the no-drip ones, but we haven’t seen the transition ones. I really debated about even buying these cups because we really didn’t expect to meet a child under 12 months of age, so I thought they might go to waste because they are intended for younger infants. However, they have been wonderful for us. With his caregivers Max was accustomed to drinking from a cup. But, the way that they drink from those cups just wouldn’t work for us, especially on an airplane when we would have a limited number of changes of clothing available. In addition, we wanted something that he would need to suck on for the plane that would help to ‘pop’ his ears. The soft spout ones were much easier to get Max on to because he was teething and liked to chew on the spout, which got some of the liquid flowing, which taught him how to suck, because he wasn’t used to doing this. At first we took the valve and opened the cut a little so he wouldn’t have to suck as hard, but once he caught on we changed valves so the cup wouldn’t drip as well as so he would have to suck harder.

*Stacking cups – they have been an absolute hit with Max as well as all the other children we’ve gotten to know and not easy to find here.

*Ziplock bags – we have come across some since we got here, but they don’t seem common yet and they aren’t cheap.

*Trail mix and granola bars – yep, even though the trail mix weighed a ton and caused us much stress trying to balance the weights of our luggage to keep them each underweight. Plus, now that they’re eaten, we have lots of room (and lots less weight) in our luggage for the return trip.

*Cloth shopping bags – we brought 4 fairly large fold up bags that will fold up and fit into our pockets when we go shopping. In many places in Ust, plastic bags must be purchased and they aren’t of the greatest quality so aren’t likely to make it in one piece anyway.

*Miscellaneous - can opener, mini-LED flashlight, duct tape (we wish we would have brought 2 rolls), mosquito netting

Things we brought that we don’t need or are glad that we didn’t bring in the first place…
*Two packs of water purification tablets. We’ve barely even used a quarter of one, and that was only because we got into Almaty too late to pick up water for the next day. Bottled water is readily available pretty much everywhere.

*A set of bedsheets - but that’s just based on our experience, we know there are others here who would definitely disagree!

*Toilet paper – easy to find and although it isn't Charmin, it does the job. It even comes in a variety of colours and scents (apparently they didn’t get the memo about being kind to your behind). We did pack one roll which on a lark I vacuumed-sealed, so I thought it ended up looking like a block of contra-band which is the only reason I didn’t pack more. (No, it didn’t cause any suspicion at security, maybe just a laugh or two) That one roll was much appreciated for the first few days until we had enough time to go shopping for the basics.

Things we wish we would have brought…
*Our travel booster seat – not that it would have made packing any easier, but it definitely would make life here a little easier at meal times. I may have even sacrificed a few of the other things we packed, such as extra shoes and the trail mix. We’ve seen many high chairs, but no booster seats. We debated purchasing a high chair to leave behind, but then would be back to square one when we got to Almaty, so we’ll continue our tag-team strategy of holding and feeding until we get home. We’ve also elected not to use our stroller as a make-shift high chair, again based solely on our experience; it may work wonderfully for others.

Disclaimer: These comments and suggestions are based only upon our experiences and do not under any circumstances constitute an official packing to do/not to do list! We take no responsibility for any grief or stress caused by trying to pack one of everything from every list you find on the Internet. (Which is what Tammy tried to do at one point before she realized that she’d have to separately finance the excess baggage fees as well as her pending divorce if she asked her husband, “Do you think we will need…” one more time. However, although he won’t admit it, quite a few of the things Tammy insisted on have been very helpful!)

Happy packing and repacking!

Building Endurance

Now we know what you must be thinking – that it takes a lot of energy to keep up with a 15 month old and that the parents in question haven’t quite built up their endurance yet. Yes, that is probably true, but that’s not even the half of it.

Max also has to build his endurance to playing. We were beginning to worry about how much he was sleeping (as crazy as that sounds when a week ago we were worried that he wouldn’t sleep enough!). For the first few days it seemed that he was asleep more than awake. Our first thoughts were that something must be wrong. Could he be getting sick? Too much heat? Not enough food? Too much food? As you can imagine, a little bit of new parent paranoia set in. But then we stepped back and took a closer look at the bigger picture. Max has pretty much the same schedule here as at the baby house, but what he is doing during his play time is much different. Here, he has more space, more interaction, more activities, etc. As it turns out, he’s playing and crawling around just so darn hard here that he’s exhausted! After a couple of hours of being on the go, he’s rubbing his eyes, yawning and absolutely ready for a nap! When we put him down, he’s fast asleep in about 15 minutes (well, when Rod puts him down, Tammy isn’t quite so lucky, or maybe too easy of a push over) and sleeps hard for a couple of hours.

As for eating, well that’s a hit or miss experience. Sometimes he hits the plate when he throws something he doesn’t like, sometimes he misses! We really feel for this little guy because no matter what we try, it just isn’t the same as the baby house food and sometimes new foods are a little trying. We know that he loves his bread, so we’re wondering if a loaf of bread is permitted in one’s carry on luggage! He’ll eat most of what we’ve tried, but the tricky part is getting him to try the first spoonful. Some meals, he’ll eat something if he sees that we’re eating it and sometimes not. We have learned that he isn’t very fond of slippery food yet (mashed bananas, tomatoes, canned peaches) or anything that hasn’t been warmed up.

Which brings us to today’s challenge. Yet again, we have no power in the kitchen (but still power in the living room, go figure). It seems that we have tripped the breaker for that half of the apartment, but despite everything we know about breakers and electricity, there is some trick to resetting these breakers that we haven’t been informed of. Our best guess is that there is another breaker box in the main hallway that we need a key for. We’ve called our coordinator for help, but lo and behold, today is a holiday and the owner of the apartment is unavailable! We’re being extra careful with the other circuit so we don’t end up completely in the dark again.

Which brings us to the current hostage situation happening here. It is actually a two-fold hostage taking. First of all, the washing machine is holding our clothes hostage again because no power means that it can’t drain, which means that the door won’t open. Secondly, we’re hoping to learn how to reset the breaker so we don’t have to rely on someone to come (or not come, as it turns out) from who knows where to flip the switch, but we have no idea if or when the guy will arrive, so we are feeling a little like we are under house arrest here.

Last night we got together with 4 other adoptive families for supper. It was really good to see them all again because although we are very happy to have Max here, we feel even more cut-off from the rest of the world. Even though the daily visits were getting somewhat monotonous, we always enjoyed seeing all of the wonderful people we have met as a result of this experience. The neat thing about last night’s gathering is that it involved parents and children from all over North America and also from every part of the adoptive process. One couple is still completing their bonding process and should be applying for a court date any day now, another couple just got their court date (finally), one family has completed their appeal but haven’t had their gotcha day yet, and then there was the two us with our little “the diamond in the rough”, as one parent commented, meaning the light at the end of the tunnel and the goal at the end of the challenge.

Max was excellent during his first outing to a restaurant. It was really hot in there, but he sat on Mom’s knee and ate pieces of ham and cheese off the pizza but no crust - it was a little squishy from the tomatoes and we didn’t want to be the instigators of an all out food fight! Here’s a picture of our supper group outside of Pizza Blues:

We’ve been using the stroller to block the door to the balcony, but our son woke up with greater determination today and insisted on getting out to the balcony, even if it meant for a few stressful moments when he got himself hung up on the stroller. Needless to say, we set about trying to baby proof that part too. If the people who usually live here ever plan to return, it will probably take them weeks to find all of their stuff!